


time just flies, but i still carry on

by quinnking



Series: jagged, not broken [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 09:06:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10987764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quinnking/pseuds/quinnking
Summary: “She needed me,” he stammers out after a moment because he left for reasons he thought were honourable at the time, but now, years later, he’s realized it was a mistake.“We needed you.”





	time just flies, but i still carry on

**Author's Note:**

> this oneshot has been eating at me... and i'm sorry for this. listen to 27 hours by banks.

_my demeanor made you wait, but the consequences stayed._

* * *

 

She's just as he remembers her. All dark clothes and black hair and tan skin and red lips. She's beautiful, and it's as if no time has passed at all.

Except it has. Four years, to be exact.

And from the look on her face when she sees him, it doesn't look like space made her heart grow fonder. 

She's closed her front door and has stepped into the hallway, standing right in front of him now, her eyes blazing and her mouth in a straight line. 

“What are you doing here?”

_ Nice to see you too, Regina,  _ he thinks. “I moved back. Three floors down.” There's no use in trying to sugar-coat this, or to prolong telling her. 

“Why?” she snaps, and fuck, she's angry and beautiful and it reminds him of their last in-person conversation.

“Marian died a few months ago and I didn't feel at home in England anymore,” he says without thinking, without softening his voice, because he allows himself to get angry. He takes a deep breath when he sees her facial expression, a bit shocked and a lot sad. “She died and I… needed a change in scenery.”

Her jaw clenches. “And you chose today to tell me you came back? Today?” 

Today? What's to-  _ oh _ .  

“Henry's birthday,” he says, gently. “I'm sorry, I didn't realize.”

“No, of course you didn't, you usually call him a couple days after his actual birthday.” 

This isn't how he wanted to do this. 

When he opens his mouth to speak, she stops him. “You left us, Robin,” she reminds him. “You had no obligation to Henry or I, I know that, but  _ you left us. _ ” Her hands are balled into fists at her side. “You were the first man I ever introduced to Henry after Daniel died, he got attached to you. And you left him because your ex-girlfriend was pregnant.”

“She needed me,” he stammers out after a moment because he left for reasons he thought were honourable at the time, but now, years later, he’s realized it was a mistake. 

“ _ We  _ needed you.”

Those three words struck a chord in him and he suddenly feels like he might start crying, right here, on his exes doorstep. 

“I’d like to see Henry while I’m here. We talk monthly.” 

“I know how often you talk to him,” she says, voice rough and angry. 

He sees her jaw working again and her hands fidget in front of her, a thing she does when she’s nervous or upset. 

“I didn’t come here to upset you,” he says after a couple moments of uncomfortable silence. “I came here to tell you I’m back so I don’t surprise you if we run into each other.” He sees her soften, just a little bit. “I came back for me, and for Roland, and to see Henry. If you don’t want to see me, I won’t force you, Regina.” And yes, a little bit for Regina, but he won’t tell that to her.

He sees her swallow and look away and goddamn it, he feels like an asshole for putting this expression on her face. 

“Henry’s party starts at six tomorrow,” she says. “Bring Roland.” Her voice is her professional voice, as if she wasn’t about to start crying just a few moments beforehand. “And an I’m-sorry-I-left-you-for-almost-five-years gift for Henry.” 

Robin nods and rocks on the back of his feet for a moment. 

“And don’t think this means I forgive you or that I trust you not to leave again. Henry’s ten now and will fare way better if you decide to -”

“I’m here to stay, Regina,” he interrupts her. “I have no reason to leave again. I don’t have to see Henry right away. You can…” He fades off after sputtering for a couple seconds because he has no idea what to do instead. 

She rests her hand on her doorknob. “It’ll be a great surprise for him to see you. Don’t tell him the real reason you’re here, and don’t tell him why you left.”

“Regina, he doesn’t know why I -”

“He was only five, Robin. How do I explain that his only father-figure left to go play house with another woman?”

Robin grits his teeth because she hasn’t changed much, not really, she’s always done this and he can’t fault her for being angry. But he’s trying really hard not to lash out. 

“You know that’s not why I left, Regina.”

She brushes this off with a shrug of her shoulder. “It doesn’t matter now, does it?” Her voice is cold again, any softness gone from her face. “Either come to Henry’s party, or don’t. It’s up to you.”

And then she’s back inside her apartment, leaving Robin standing in front of her door awkwardly. 

 

* * *

“Come on, my boy,” Robin says as he ducks his head into Roland’s bedroom. 

“Almost ready, papa,” he chirps as he hops off his bed and bounds toward Robin.

Robin lifts him up and props him on his hip. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah!”

Until now Robin hasn't felt the nervousness that has been slowly creeping up on him since Regina invited him and Roland to Henry’s birthday. But now it's something that has his throat constricting and sweat coating his palms. He lets Roland fall onto his feet gently, rubbing his hands on his pants. 

“Let’s go.” 

He takes Roland by the hand, picks up Henry’s gift from the table, and the two make their way the three floors to Regina’s apartment. 

Robin can't help but stall and rock back on the balls of his heels.

“Like this, daddy,” Roland says before knocking a few times with his tiny fists.

Robin puffs out a laugh that dies in his throat as soon as Regina opens the door.

“Robin,” she says coldly before her gaze lands on Roland. “You must be Roland. Aren't you handsome?” 

Roland giggles and looks up at Regina, all dimples, and Robin can physically see Regina softening. 

“Robin?”

His neck snaps up to Henry, who's standing behind Regina and looking at Robin in complete shock. 

“You're here?”

Robin looks at Regina for a minute and she nods before bending down to Roland. “How would you like some of the best apple juice you've ever tasted?”

“Papa, can I?”

“Of course,” he says with a chuckle, something in his chest flaring as he sees Regina interact with Roland. He then looks at Henry, who walks closer to him. “Happy birthday, Henry.”

Robin hands his gift to Henry.

“Thanks,” he says. “My mom didn't tell me you were coming… how long are you staying?”

“We moved three floors down, actually,” he says casually. “We’re staying permanently.” 

Henry's face lights up. “You're staying forever?”

Robin feels a rush of guilt hit him all at once and he's momentarily winded. “Yeah,” he mutters. 

“Cool,” Henry says with a massive grin.

Regina comes back over to them, Roland holding her hand, and she kisses Henry on the top of his head.

“How do you like your surprise?” 

“It's  _ awesome, _ ” Henry says excitedly. 

Robin feels dual emotions of guilt and pride.

“Take Roland and introduce him to your friends,” Regina says, ruffling Roland’s hair.

She looks at Robin after the two walk off toward the other kids and she looks like she's studying him. Robin feels like an insect in a lab under her gaze. 

“Roland is a wonderful young boy,” she says after a few moments. 

“He is,” Robin agrees. Another awkward silence and Robin is wondering why none of the other mothers and fathers aren't talking to Regina and he realizes that they all must know and likely don't want to interrupt. 

She doesn't say anything after that, gets on with the party. He watches her, how she smiles so lovingly at Henry, how she interacts with her friends children and Henry’s friends, how she's essentially the perfect host.

Henry opens his present and when he sees what Robin got him, a few British vinyl records that he knows Henry will love, he gets a beaming smile so bright that Robin’s heart clenches.

The party is a blur and when it ends he finds himself and Roland the only two left. Henry is showing Roland his room and Robin is seated on the couch. 

“Thanks for the gift you got him,” Regina says as she sits beside him, handing him a cup of coffee.

Robin takes a sip and he can't believe she still remembers how he takes his coffee. 

“He told me over the phone that you have a record player and he likes the music I send him on FaceBook,” Robin says around the cup. “I had already brought them home for him… figured using them as a birthday gift.”

Regina takes a sip of her own coffee. “He'll talk about them for weeks, I'm sure,” she says, not unkindly. 

They sit in silence, this time a more companionable silence. 

“Henry said that he wished for something when he blew out the candle on the cake I gave him yesterday, and then you showed up. He thinks it's a sign.”

“A sign for what?” he asks, his interest thoroughly piqued.

“I have no clue,” she says honestly. 

Robin takes a look at the clock. “It’s almost Roland’s bedtime,” he says, an excuse, because he could sit here and catch up with Regina all night. But he needs to give her space and time, and Roland really does need to go to bed. Jetlag. He’s been cranky since they arrived two days ago. “Plus, I have to finish unpacking tomorrow…” 

“Of course.” Regina’s up and going toward Henry’s room quickly and Robin is wondering what just happened. 

 

* * *

They see each other on and off for the next few weeks. Robin gets settled in and starts at his new job and Roland starts at daycare, and he loves it, has a new best friend named Gideon. 

He bumps into Regina on a rainy day in the elevator. She’s wearing a red dress with a black peacoat and she looks beautiful. They don’t talk until it dings for the lobby and they walk out together, pausing outside the building.

“You can stop staring,” Regina drawls. “How are you getting settled in?” 

He smiles guiltily at getting caught. “It’s been easy aside from the jetlag,” he says, not missing a beat. “The new job is great, and Roland is having a great time. I’m happy we moved back in the summer instead of in the middle of a school year.”

“Henry said you’re managing an animal shelter?” 

Robin chuckles. “Yeah, it’s a pretty sweet gig.” 

“Sounds like it,” she says absently. “Am I keeping you…” 

“Actually, no,” he says. “I’m not due to pick Roland up for another -” he checks his watch, “- two hours.” 

Regina tilts her head but she doesn’t say anything. They start walking, in the same direction, and Robin wonders if him asking her to lunch would be as far-fetched as it seemed two weeks ago.

“Do you need to be -”

“Oh, no, I’m just… wondering.” 

“Would you like to grab coffee before I pick up Roland?” 

Her pace slows and it appears as though she’s in deep thought, the barest hint of her teeth nibbling on her darkly painted lower lip. 

“Sure. I can tell Henry’s sitter to pick him up from camp and to bring him home,” she says, already tapping at her phone. 

They walk the short distance, him asking about her job (she works in publishing now), and how Henry’s doing in school (he sucks at science but he’s getting there), and her asking about Roland (he hates the colour yellow). 

He holds the door open for her when they reach the little diner and she gives him the barest hint of a smile as she walks in and finds them a booth toward the back. 

They get situated and order their coffees and he orders himself a cinnamon bun, because he knows she likes them and will likely pick at it as they talk.

“How’d Marian die?” Regina asks suddenly, as if she couldn’t stop herself. “I mean, Henry told me it happened… I was aware of it… but I don’t know what happened…” She trails off and he can see the smallest bit of pink touching her cheeks.

“Drunk driver,” he says gruffly. “She was picking me up.” 

“Robin,” Regina starts but thinks better of it when she sees the look on his face. “I know how you feel.”

“I know you do.”

The waitress brings them their coffees and Robin’s cinnamon bun, and she taps her fingernails against the cup.

“I’m sorry,” she says. 

He tilts his head at her, confused. What’s she apologizing for. 

“For Marian,” she adds. “I’m not sorry for how I’ve been toward you these past years. How I’ve been toward you the past two weeks.” 

Robin nods and picks at a piece of chipped wood in the table. “I know,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry, too.” He peeks up and sees that Regina is looking at him in that intense way of hers, and she’s about to say something so he continues. “I left you and I understand that. We started out as friends when Henry was young… and we took that step, and it didn’t work out because Marian got pregnant.”

“That’s not why we didn’t work out,” she interrupts him. “We didn’t work out because you left Henry and me to go play house with a woman you sa-” She cuts off, takes a few deep breaths. “We didn’t work out because you left and moved to another country. It had nothing to do with her being pregnant. You could have managed.” 

“I didn’t feel.. Like I could. I had an obligation to Marian. I loved her once. We were over before we broke up, we know that, and Roland…” He, for lack of a better word, was an oopsy. They had slept together before they’d broken it off, once, and Robin had been thinking of Regina. “She didn’t deserve that.”

“And I did?” 

That stops him dead, his blood running cold because… no. She doesn’t deserve anything but  _ good things  _ and how could she think that he’d deliberately hurt her? But these are her feelings and she’s not going to invalidate them. No matter how crazy it was.

“She had no one else to help her,” he mutters.

“You didn’t have an obligation to her besides Roland,” she says, cruelly. And he knows her, he knows this is the woman he fell in love with. The woman that thinks nothing can ever go well for her. 

“You know that’s not true.” And from the look on her face, she does know it. “I fell in love with you while she and I were still together. I felt more than ever obligated to her.” 

Regina laughs, humorlessly. 

“You pushed me to move away with her,” Robin reminds, because even these years later he doesn’t understand  _ why  _ she’d do that. 

She looks away and he can see the tell-tale set in her jaw, the hiss of breath. “This has nothing to do with that,” she snaps. 

“No, I think it does, Regina,” he says, quietly, not unkindly. “I told you I was willing to stay, that I would raise Roland with Marian, but I could stay -”

“If you stayed that would’ve been more painful,” Regina interjects. “If you stayed and raised Roland with Marian… if you didn’t take that job in England and you stayed here… it would’ve hurt so much. To watch you with her. And we both know that we wouldn’t be able to stay apart for long, even if you stayed here and went back to her.” She takes a gulp of her coffee, soothing the cracks in her voice. “I’m the reason you two broke up in the first place, I wasn’t going to be the reason Roland didn’t get a good upbringing.” 

Robin can’t believe what he’s just heard. “You think  _ you’re  _ the reason why Marian and I ended things?” She doesn’t respond, or even look at him, just stares at her hands that are wrapped around her cup. “My feelings for you were one of the reasons but she and I were done way before my feelings for you became evident to either of us.” 

“You still loved her.”

“Of course I did, but I loved you too, and in a different way than I loved her at that point.” 

She drums her fingers against her cup again. “You must have fell in love with her again when you were in England, right? While you were a family? And raising Roland?”

“No,” he says simply. Regina snaps her head up to look at him. “I loved her, I did, for many years. And I loved her when she died. But I wasn't in love with her. And she knew that. We were living a comfortable life, but we weren’t in love.” 

“Do you regret it?” 

Now it’s Robin’s chance to laugh humorlessly. “Yes. I regret leaving you, I regret leading her on because she was still in love with me… but my heart led me somewhere else. She spent the last years of her life in an essentially-platonic relationship with me when she could have been living her life and finding love elsewhere.” 

Regina doesn’t answer for a while. He doesn’t think she’s going to until, “it’s not your fault.” 

“I know, I wasn’t the one dr-”  
  
“I mean, how she spent her last few years,” she says, in  _ that  _ tone that says that the meaning should have been obvious. “You two got to raise a beautiful baby boy. And you weren’t unhappy, were you?”

“We weren’t happy, either.” 

Regina chuckles. “That’s life.” 

“If I stayed here, maybe she’d still be alive.” He doesn’t mean to say the words aloud, but he does, because that’s all he’s been able to think of since it happened. 

“Don’t do that,” Regina says. “I know what you’re doing, and I know what you’re going through. Thinking that way won’t help you cope and move on.”

“I know,” he mutters. He doesn’t know he’s started crying until Regina reaches across the table and wipes the tear away. 

Regina finishes off her coffee and picks at his cinnamon bun. 

“You and Roland should come over for dinner tonight,” she says suddenly.

Robin tries to keep the surprise off his face, especially when she gets up and tosses a few bills onto the table. “Five thirty sharp.” 

And then she goes toward the door, and Robin’s still in shock when he watches her walk out.

 

* * *

She’s wearing a snug sleeveless black dress and a pair of black heels and she’s so  _ beautiful  _ that he almost doesn’t stammer out a, “thanks for inviting us.”

Roland thrusts the hand that’s holding two roses up at Regina and the smile she gives him is radiant. “These are wonderful, Roland, thank you.”

He blushes in reply and Regina ruffles his hair. Roland puts his hand in a U around his mouth and leans up to whisper (loudly), “Regina is pretty,” to Robin.

“I know,” Robin whispers back, equally as loud, so Regina can hear. And she does, judging by her smile.

The rest of the dinner goes without a hitch. Some small talk, a little awkwardness after his and Regina’s talk that afternoon, but nothing too obvious that Henry could pick up on it. 

It was a peaceful dinner, Robin thinks, as he kisses Regina on the cheek as a goodbye. She stiffens ever so slightly but then melts into it and smiles at him, and then smiles down at Roland, and then they’re on their way home so Robin can put Roland to bed.

Roland goes down easily, only needing a chapter and a half of Harry Potter to lull him into sleep. 

Robin’s sitting on the couch when ten o’clock hits, idly flicking through the television guide, when he hears a small knock on the door. When he looks through the peephole he’s surprised to see that it’s Regina.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, I - I don’t know why I’m here,” she admits. “Henry’s asleep and I have an alarm… and I have it connected to my phone…” She runs a hand through her hair. “Can I come in?” 

“Oh, of course,” he says, moving out of the way to let her through.

She takes her time looking around as he closes and locks the door behind him and she turns to look at him. There’s something on his face, and he’s not sure what. He’s about to speak when he realizes how close she’s gotten to him in the last fraction of a second and he’s essentially pinned against his front door. 

“Regina -”

“Shh,” she says, and she’s kissing him. 

She tastes the same, like cinnamon and honey, and she feels the same. There’s a slight taste of wine, enough to startle him and he wants to push her away but, God, she’s so warm and so soft, and her tongue is running along the seam of his lips. Like everything else she asks for, he lets her in, and she kisses him with more fervor. 

He’s missed this the past few years, the feel of her and the taste of her and the smell of her. Just…  _ her.  _ He’s missed Regina and she’s what he’s been longing for, what he’s been miserable without. 

She makes a noise in the back of her throat, a whiny little moan that makes Robin’s blood run hot and before he can stop himself, he spins her and presses her against the wall. Trapping her, as if she were the one who left him.

She bites at his bottom lip and Robin groans out, “Regina,” as her hands find their way under his shirt. Her nails scratch lightly against the muscle on his stomach and down, toward the line of his jeans. 

It’s when she goes for the belt buckle that he stops her, and boy does it take everything in him when he sees her face. Her eyes are so dark and intense, her lipstick is smudged around her mouth, her face is pink. She looks beautiful and he must have better willpower than he gave himself credit for since he manages to gently push her away. 

“Robin -”

“We can’t do this, Regina.”

Her bottom lip trembles. “You don’t want me?”  _ Fuck. _

He can’t stop the look of utter shock that crosses his features. “Of course I want you, Regina,” he says, quietly. “But this would just be something you regret. You still don’t forgive me.”

“I’m not angry anymore,” she argues. 

“Maybe not, but you’re also tipsy and I know you’ll regret this because you haven’t forgiven me yet. I’ve been back two weeks and today was the first day we were honest with each other and actually got somewhere.” She tries to hide it, she does, but he sees her stealthily move her hand across her cheeks to wipe away the tears that fell. “I want you more than you can imagine but we can’t right now.” 

“I’m afraid you’ll leave me again,” she whispers after a moment. 

Robin moves closer to her, slowly so he won’t frighten her. “Shagging me won’t change that fear,” he says. “I know it’s a familiar coping mechanism and it’s an intimate thing… but it’ll just make it worse. And it’ll make the fear even stronger.” 

He brings her closer, her head tucking under his chin. He feels her body shake and the tears seep through his shirt. He rubs her back in soothing circles. “I can’t convince you that I’m not going anywhere, so I’m going to show you,” he promises. “And we’re not rushing into anything. We’re not doing this when you’re tipsy and upset.” 

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you,” she mumbles into his shirt.

“Understandable,” he says quietly. “But I’m not going to stop trying to show you that I won’t make the same mistake twice.”  

She doesn't reply, instead she just takes deep breaths. “You smell like forest,” she says after a minute and he bursts into a laugh.

“You said that the first time we kissed.”

“You always smell like this.” She stands on her tiptoes, bringing her face into his neck and taking a deep breath. “I’ve always loved your smell. It’s… you. For months after you left…” 

She trails off and Robin wants to leave it alone but the nagging part of him is what forces him to ask, “what?”

“I stole a sweater of yours and I kept it. It smelled like you. Like a camp. Like smoked firewood and freshly cut grass and rain. After a while it stopped smelling like you and I never thought I’d… smell this again.”

It’s both endearing and heartbreaking.

“Regina -”

She pulls back. “I should get back. I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough for the night.”

“Regina -”

She kisses him on the lips once before she all but runs to his apartment door. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” And then she’s gone, and his door is shut.

She doesn’t. 

**Author's Note:**

> ... i'm sorry. 
> 
> come yell at me on twitter at parrillagasm or on tumblr at katewinslets. also, there will be a sequel. fear not.


End file.
